Forget Charm—Let’s Pave Over Ocean Drive and Build More Luxury Towers

Welcome to the Future: Glass Beach, FL

Miami Beach—once defined by its pastel low-rise buildings, walkable streets, and annoyingly persistent sense of place—has been held hostage by one thing for far too long: its own identity. But don’t worry. That’s about to change.

It’s time to pave the way for progress. One 50-story glass monstrosity at a time. Imagine crystalline towers that blot out the sun, the skyline, and any remaining sense of proportion. Who needs charm when you can have cold, gleaming shade?

Ocean Drive? More Like Ocean Drive-Thru

Sure, sidewalk cafés and neon signs have their fans. But let’s get serious: what Miami Beach really needs is a six-lane expressway right through the heart of the historic district. Pedestrian culture is overrated—let's make room for gridlock and Lamborghini pileups from 5th to 15th. Picture the poetry: traffic fumes where tourists once sipped mojitos. Bonus: Locals won’t complain about late-night music anymore. They’ll be too busy drowning in the 3 a.m. thunder of 18-wheelers hauling construction materials for luxury towers.

Height restrictions? That’s for cowards

Who needs sunlight when you can have a 100-story mirrored masterpiece reflecting nothing but itself? Live in Miami Beach without ever seeing it. Finally, peace.

Historic district? Please. Let’s call it "outdated" and flatten it. Replace every lovingly preserved Art Deco gem with bold new designs from the “Generic Glass & Sons” catalog. We’ll call the style Art Don’t-Co™.

Preservation Is for Sentimentalists

Sure, some say buildings tell stories. But what’s more exciting—cultural memory or skyline supremacy? Why connect with the 1930s when you could be living in a vibe-free vertical parking lot like Dubai or Sunny Isles? It’s not demolition—it’s simplification. The dumber, the better.

Final Vision: Glass Is the New Coral

The future of Miami Beach isn’t pastel—it’s silver-tinted and wind-resistant. It’s not about soul. It’s about scale. Walkability? Dead. Shadows? Welcome. Nostalgia? Bulldozed. So let’s drop the pretense and raise the stakes: Welcome to Glass Beach by the Sea.

Where the past is inconvenient, the buildings are blank, and the only thing historic is the rent.